How to help your parents with technology from a distance

The TV shows the wrong thing, the internet is gone, a letter needs answering online. You are an hour away. Here are the ways to help, and what each one is good for.

Why the phone call so often fails

Most of us start with an ordinary phone call. It works for simple things, but it breaks down quickly, because you cannot see what they see. “Press the button at the top” means nothing when there are four buttons at the top. The person at the other end gets stressed, you get impatient, and both of you hang up tired.

The problem is rarely the technology itself. It is that words are a poor way to describe a screen or a remote control.

Five ways to help, from simplest to most capable

  • A phone call. Good for things you both know well. Ask them to read out exactly what the screen says, word for word.
  • Photos by message. They take a picture of the screen or the device and send it. You answer with a description, or draw on the picture and send it back. Slow, but it leaves something to look at afterwards.
  • An ordinary video call. Now you can see. The difficulty is that the person has to hold the phone, aim the camera and press buttons at the same time, and you still have to describe where to press in words.
  • Screen sharing or remote control. Useful when the problem is inside a computer or a phone. It does not help with a TV, a router or a washing machine, and it takes several steps to set up, which is often the hard part.
  • Camera help with drawing. They point the phone at the thing, you see it and mark on the picture what to press. This is what HelpMom does. It suits anything you can point a camera at.

Make the call calmer

  • One step at a time. Say one thing, wait until it is done, then say the next.
  • Ask what they see, not what they did. “What does it say on the screen now?” gives you facts. “What did you press?” gives you a guess.
  • Use their words. If they call it “the box” or “the black remote”, so do you.
  • Do not take over. Being shown how is better than having it done for you. Next time they may manage alone.
  • End with a summary. “So next time the picture disappears, you press Source and choose HDMI 1.” Better still, write it down for them.

Save the solution for next time

The same problems come back: the TV on the wrong input after someone bumped the remote, the router that needs restarting, the printer that has gone offline. A note on the fridge works. A photo with a ring around the right button works better. A short series of pictures, step by step, works best, because they can follow it without calling anyone.

Prepare before something goes wrong

  • Write down the model of the TV, the router and the other devices they use. Then you can find the manual when you need it.
  • Keep the wifi name and password somewhere they can find them.
  • Set up the way you will help while you are visiting, not during the first emergency. Try it once together, so that the first real call is not the first time they see it.

When seeing is easier than explaining

HelpMom is made for exactly this: your parent presses one button, you see what their phone camera sees, and you can circle the right button on the picture. See how it works or get HelpMom.

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